Final Destination Bloodlines

Imagine if your room-mate kept getting recurring nightmares that she was going to find herself impaled on a rusty bit of iron after falling from a collapsed revolving restaurant hundreds of feet in the air? Yep - I’d probably just quietly put a pillow over her head one night, too. Luckily, “Stefani” (Kaitlyn Santa Reyes) gets to go home and try to get to the bottom of things. When she mentions this to her family, it turns out that the dream has it’s roots in fact and that is all comes down to whacky grandma “Iris” (Gabrielle Rose) who lives in a remote location that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a “Mad Max” movie and who has her own theory about just what happened on that very night, fifty years ago, and about death. As with the other “Final Destination” series, death is much more of an animate object with a plan, a scheme and boy does it not like it when a plan doesn’t come together. Pretty swiftly, the young lass concludes that over the intervening years the grim reaper has been settling scores and now it is the turn of her family. They all think she’s bonkers, but when their attitudinal cousin “Erik” (Richard Harmon) finds himself having an exceptionally narrow escape, they begin to sit up and take notice. Thing is, though, do they seriously think they can thwart the original man with the scythe? You know that expression about a moth fluttering it’s wings by the Amazon and there being an tsunami in Sri Lanka? Well some of the deathly cause and effect scenarios here are just as entertainingly far fetched as we learn to appreciate the terrors of some otherwise benign garden implements, a nose-ring and a rusty old weathervane - to name but a few instruments - that can be used to facilitate our always brutal and gory journey to the hereafter. The disasters-in-waiting are all fairly visually teed up for us, so we can anticipate the grizzle before it inevitably occurs - but what we can’t always do is anticipate just how these incidents will pan out. Death may have a plan, but it’s an adaptable one and as the family start to dwindle in typically slasher-horror fashion we are able to pick out favourites (mine was the annoying “Aunt Brenda” (April Talek)) and hope that they might be next! This is enjoyable stuff that needs to be watched in the spirit intended. No, the script isn’t up to much nor are any of the standard acting performances from the Blumhouse book of scream then run before making implausible decisions and ending up - well you know how that usually pans out. Aim low and be prepared to be entertained, and though overlong, this ought to make you giggle and cringe a little.

'Final Destination Bloodlines' is unexpectedly terrific. I watched the original five movies two months ago and highly enjoyed the first flick, though the subsequent follow-ups weren't the best (though I did like 'Final Destination 5'). This is the best sequel, no doubt. What I wanted going in was mindless fun and cool deaths. For me, it ticked both of those boxes with full conviction. I think I gained entertainment from every offing, which is pleasing. They are very nicely done, rather creative too. I'm sure the plot has holes, but honestly... "we don't care". The cast are all pleasing, there isn't anyone who blew me away or anything but I did really enjoy those onscreen here. Kaitlyn Santa Juana is the standout, but Gabrielle Rose, Richard Harmon and the rest (I see you, Teo Briones of 'Chucky') are all good value. The special effects are satisfying, as well. I will state that the film is possibly more funny than I think it intends to be, which isn't a bad thing whatsoever for me but I did sense it wasn't quite intending to be as amusing as it is in parts; even if they are, of course, going for laughs still. Maybe I'm wrong. All's well that ends well, either way. I'd rank this higher than the original. There isn't much in it, but this does narrowly outdo that one in my opinion. Kudos to all involved, because this release could've easily went down like a lead balloon (that sounds like a plot for one of these films; I want compo if that's what FD7 turns out to be, New Line Cinema).